“The Show Must Go On”

I hadn’t talked to Matt since the middle of the summer, a drastic change from almost living together half the time, when he, our friend Aaron & I would hang out. My phone rang and I thought “oh shit, why can’t people leave me alone? I have enough on my plate already.” But it was him. We had a jovial conversation with loud music and sirens in the background, on his end, mind you. I had way more important things on my mind to think any more about that, for now. Could I find the play I wanted for class, starring who…? Where would I have to drive? VCR? Who was coming over? We ended the conversation with plans to hang out later this week when I got caught up on things. Who knows when that will happen? I kept on with my plans, find and get the play, followed by a VCR, and then Molly, after finding out no one else was coming, because something had happened on campus. Not sure what, but something. I pulled up into the lot and called Molly and while I waited there a girl in hysterics was at a car across me with a group of people. Someone she knew had been shot. I minded my own business. When the cars of her and her companions left, I thought nothing more of it till we got a call a few minutes into the movie. Someone had been shot, and at school no less. Football player . . . . Money in pocket. . . . . Hit a tree, nothing that connected me to who ever it was. Things like this happen every day in town. They just do. I mean this is Memphis. But they had put the dorms on lockdown, we heard so who knows when or if I could take Molly home? But anyway, back to the movie. I don’t remember much before I fell asleep, soon followed by molly I assume. Because we woke up abruptly at 2:53 am as the tape was rewinding and then I drove her home. The lot was much calmer than the last visit, was the only other thought on the subject as I drove home to bed.

The next morning I was up and at it way before I wanted to be. I had things to do, therapy to get ready for, packing/moving to do, class to attend; I was completely wrapped up in my life. My text message alert went off, and then again. Classes were cancelled, but not rehearsal. “The show must go on”, you know. And it stayed that way all week, except the discussion in one class. It just didn’t involve me. Or did it? Everyone else seemed to be unnerved, but me. Was, am I, calloused? Hardened? Stoic? Or am I just heartless? It was more like not allowing myself to be detoured, to keep going. “The show must . . .”

Is it just how we are programmed as Americans? “It happens, just not to us”. And then it keeps happening again and again. Because “I wasn’t involved” and want to stay that way. As long as we take that stance, not only will it not change, neither will we. The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing, over and over, but expecting different results. If we choose to keep walking and don’t learn or do anything about what we are facing, or worse yet, run from it, because “I don’t want to be uncomfortable”. The spiral we are on will keep winding down, if we are not willing to step forward into a new world that can be ours. Why is it that we run from change when in it lays our only hope of true freedom? What is there really to fear? What if we actually did lose something, or our very lives in the process, The Journey? But caused a ripple that moved the stagnant waters we live in? Would we and our world not have been bettered?

So my questions for you, mayor elect, are. Will you continue leading the city on as it has been and walking away from it all, wrapped up in “your” world? Or will you step forward and become an actual leader of us your peers in our world? Or just another human, proud the “He” had won the people over and is now better than the other?

` Sincerely

V. Adrian Mehr